I could tell we were going to get along from the way he wiped his ass—on my tie.

“I got stiffed on a tip. It was an erection.”

“I am a rebel! But I don’t want people to agree with my views, because if everyo…”

“I’m a bean counter. Oh, I’m not an accountant, but I did spill pinto beans on t…”

“I’m just barely scratching the surface. And that surface is broth, so why is th…”