I dance so fluid that I often drink the floor.

“Is the only reason you get out of bed because you can’t sleep anymore? I’m like…”

“In a depression, attendance to sporting events goes down, while the percentage …”

“A mustache on a stick would not only be tastier than a popsicle, but ticklier t…”

“Drought is the best thing that ever happened to my lawn. And my beard.”