I decorated my ballsack in his honor. I wrote, “Welcome home, dad.

“If you put a long-haired wig on and ask nicely, I might sit on your back and ri…”

“A brick could be given as a graduation gift to a C student. It’s like here, wel…”

“A brick could help me hold down a job. Hey, in an economy as bad as this, every…”

“It’s true, I almost hit him. And I would have too, if at the last moment he did…”