I didn’t chug the hairspray because I’m an alcoholic. I drank it to style my throat hairs.

“Doing autograph sessions all day is not what I signed up for. But that’s just a…”

“I made art out of all the phone numbers on napkins I’ve had over the years. So …”

“I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unlea…”

“An author named Arthur Arthurson would write about art, love, and road kill in …”