I don’t collect awards, I collect empty trophy cases. Once my collection is large enough, I’m going to start collecting broken dreams.

“Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and …”

“I’m going to count to three, and if you’re not on number four by the time I’m d…”

“I just baked a cake in the shape of a door. Somebody’s knocking now, so let me …”

“I’d rather be the fastest runner than the best fighter. But then I am a supreme…”