I don’t endorse my checks, because what, am I just going to give away free autographs?

“My #love stories have happy endings, because I stop the tales before dejection,…”

“I have bread, water, and love—what more can a man ask for? How about pasta, win…”

“Cats have tongues with the texture of bricks, and fur as warm and soft as blank…”

“On my wedding night, I want to make slow, passionate rush hour to my wife at we…”