I don’t like it when I have guests over and my girlfriend doesn’t wear pants and makes sock puppets with stinky socks and does impressions of my visitors with a falsetto voice. It’s embarrassing. I hate when she steals my routine.

“You could say I lost my cool when I got heckled, but I wasn’t cool to begin wit…”

“I can’t go out tonight, because unfortunately I’m all tied up at the moment. I’…”

“A blanket could be used to wrap up a case.
”

“One magnifying glass and one moonlit night is not enough to light her ant-like …”