I don’t need a coffee cup. That’s what hands were invented for. That’s also why I don’t need sex.

“For my books, I do everything short of writing my own reviews. Those I do tall.”

“If I bottled ginger ale, it’d be made from the finest red hair available.”

“Men are the fleas in the gray beard of God, and I’m just itching to meet Him.”

“I don’t want to find the Fountain of Youth, because I’m searching for the Fount…”