I don’t need a dress, I need an address. And some panties.

“Black clothing makes me look skinnier. If I wear all black at night, and turn o…”

“I think the best punishment for a misbehaving child is to strap them to a chair…”

“Can I park my horse in the handicapped parking space? It is gimpy and sort of c…”

“Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve t…”