I don’t think our president is doing a good job, but I think he’s doing a great vacation.

“The only time I like traffic lights turning yellow or red is in the fall.”

“I’m divorced, in debt, and I can’t grow sideburns. Sometimes I get depressed, b…”

“I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I can’t go anywhere. Maybe I’ll try…”

“I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it…”