I feel like someone who has a parade named in their honor, and doesn’t get invited.

“Not only did I not win the sweepstakes, but I didn’t even bother to enter. I fe…”

“It takes maturity and practice and patience to spread chunky peanut butter even…”

“A brick could help me hold down a job. Hey, in an economy as bad as this, every…”

“Hiring managers claim they don’t discriminate, but that’s simply not true. The …”