I feel self-conscious calling my cat fat in front of a fat person, considering I’m skinny and inconsiderate.

“I’m a guy who respects boundaries. I require a passport for interpersonal trave…”

“A brick could be a columnist for the New York Times, and could even win a Nobel…”

“Nothing says I forgive you like a punch in the face.”

“A brick could be held in one hand, and a stack of dollar bills in the other, to…”