I got hit on at the bar last night, and this morning I have a black eye. Sometimes you can be so sexy that you offend, I guess.

“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.”

“I also should have come up with a product description.”

“Experience is the best teacher I've ever had. I'm sorry, Mr. Sortz, but it's tr…”

“Please don’t step on my penis. And pick it up off the floor if you see it’s fal…”