I got married at a good time, though a better time would have been 20 years from now.

“Freedom isn't free. But there are some really great coupons if you know where t…”

“I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he wa…”

“When I burp I’m not just pushing polluted air into the world—no, I’m espousing …”

“The fastest I’ve ever fallen in love is 17 miles per hour. But I was safe, beca…”