I have a black-belt in self-pity. I was an expert in the field. Still am. It’s a skill you never forget.

“I feel like grabbing my crotch and checking to see if my balls are still there …”

“You get halfway through with your life and you realize you haven't done the thi…”

“I'm grateful to Margot. Not that I tell her this. Not that I tell her anything.…”

“It's not that I wanted to be dead, I just felt like I should be. Which is why i…”