I have a great golf swing. I just wish I had someone to push me on it.

“I sleep on the coasts of my bed, but I make love in the Midwest.”

“If counting is thinking, then the longest I’ve ever thought about any one subje…”

“An octopus has eight legs. You know what else has eight legs? My bed last night…”

“Just because you don’t have an arrest record doesn’t mean you’re not a criminal…”