I invited my girlfriend over and made her dinner. I didn’t cook, but I did eat her.

“If I ever decide to kill you, you’d be the first to know about it. (And hopeful…”

“I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I…”

“If you carry all my love, it won’t get heavy and make you weak. In fact, my lov…”

“I know it’s not your birthday, but would you like some birthday dick? It’s on s…”