I keep my socks in a filing cabinet, if that tells you what kind of lover I am.

“My love is useful, and my love is for sale. (Batteries not included).”

“An exercise in unknowing is not the same as not knowing or forgetting.”

“This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So…”

“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though,…”