I know what is wrong, I know what is right, and most importantly, I know what is left. Nothing is left, now that she left and took all her love.

“I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to los…”

“My watch has two hands. So do I. I’d better watch my watch to see if it also ma…”

“Of course, if I had misbehaved that day, my dinner was a salad made entirely ou…”

“I wash my hands twice in the bathroom—once before I touch my penis, and once ag…”