I like eye contact, but please don’t blink when my eyeballs are touching yours.

“I have a bedroom rug that I feed. It’s not very flat, and it meows when I step …”

“I put the penis in happiness. I put it there, and I can pull it out too. (But w…”

“The first two letters of her name were M and E and I thought, Yes! Finally, a n…”

“I wish the masses of people would all follow my advice, because I'd throw it of…”