I like instant gratification. It’s like instant coffee, only it won’t keep you up all night.

“I celebrate my birthday in ways not seen this side of the Old Testament. I cele…”

“The escalator doesn’t work, and you’d think they’d still be used as stairs, but…”

“The first guy who beats me up isn’t going to pay for it, but the second guy who…”

“A blanket could be used like a Love Fleece. I imagine you’re shaking your head.…”