I like my spaghetti like I like my women. All over my shirt.

“One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides.”

“When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with.”

“I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously lik…”

“Revenge seeks its pound of flesh. That’s one fifth of my erection.”