I like the New York Times. I only wish it were softer, and more like toilet paper.

“The mountains are where God proves He’s better than Michelangelo at sculpting.”

“Sometimes I wear sunglasses while I urinate, and pretend that my pee is a solar…”

“A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunc…”

“My favorite smells are freshly baked bread, the pages of an old book, and they …”