I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep.

“I want to open a broken marriage repair shop. I’m not a counselor or psychologi…”

“I want to be so successful that my secretary needs a secretary.”

“Me and my girlfriend aren’t a good fit. Her clothes are much too small for me.”

“To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: F…”