I made out like a bandit. Not that I’ve ever made out with a bandit.

“I have a beard of grass. I grew it on my back, and sometimes my neighbor mows i…”

“Water is like love, but love is not like water. No, because if it were, I’d be …”

“I snagged a good parking spot. I also snagged my sweater in the process.”

“I have a rating system I apply to all people. Mao Zedong might have a Meow Fact…”