I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was absent.

“I am terrified of heights, sharks, and spiders, so I am not into skydiving, sur…”

“A blanket, when taken to the top of a mountain and laid flat, could be painted …”

“If a man’s a constant hand-shaker, he must be a politician or a crook—or both, …”

“Love is a peaceful feeling, like a flower hugging a butterfly.”