I make love like I ride my two-seater unicycle—slowly. If you feel unstable, you can hang on to my handlebar mustache.


“There’s a faint whiff of feces wafting up my nostrils. But that’s natural, beca…”

“Drinks heavily loaded with ice are reasonably effective, but the best way to co…”

“I want to get the words "Courage" and "Bravery" tattooed across my back, so peo…”

“I’m not a king, but you can call me His Royal Hoorayness. If you did that, I’d …”