I make my own cologne. It’s called “Sweat,” and it’s hard work making it. But I can tell people love it, because they’re so envious and jealous when I wear it that they avoid me altogether.

“If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have…”

“My philosophy on life: On a burrito, the cheese goes underneath the sour cream.…”

“Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber …”

“What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your …”