I need to get my wedding ring resized, because it still fits tight around my neck.

“You know what’s not funny? Funny bones. No, at best they are only mildly amusin…”

“During conversation, I have no problem making eye contact—with myself in the mi…”

“My cock is camouflaged. Check your bush.”

“Just like trying to ice skate on two sticks of butter in the desert, my love fo…”