I need to take an exfoliating bath. Prepare the kittens’ tongues.

“People don’t know I have a checkered past. I used to be a picnic table cloth.”

“The best date I’ve ever been on was March 5th, 1982, the year I was born. For a…”

“When I see a cop’s lights behind me at two in the morning, and I have my disco …”

“The rent should rise with the elevator.”