I never hit below the belt, especially if that belt is the rust belt and I’m in Texas.

“Black holes are darker than magic markers, but not as black as my mood.”

“He wanted to pay me in agriculture, but I told him, "I need something that's go…”

“I eat fog soup (out of a can). You don’t think I make it fresh, do you? You don…”

“There may be a sucker born every minute, but every 30 seconds a lollipop pops o…”