I once had a dream about a woman, and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping for three days after that to try to save some lives, but then my body relented and I went back to being a murderer.

“My father is half man, half Zeus. That makes me one quarter fake God. But that'…”

“A brick could be held in one hand, and a stack of dollar bills in the other, to…”

“If facial expressions had fur, then I’d snuggle your sneer. It’s so ugly it’s c…”

“I’m too busy to chew. That’s why I blend all my meals into smoothies, and I mak…”