I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?

“I know the secret number of the universe. It’s one, for the individual in searc…”

“In politics, I don’t know which came first, the rubber chicken policies, or the…”

“A car is a couch with wheels. My windshield wipers don’t work, so I’ve decided …”

“He’s a buying dude, and I’ve got to sell him something—like my credibility. (On…”