I rolled up to his house, rolled up my sleeves, ate a Fruit Roll-Up, and left. Ah, but that’s life, no?

“My ex girlfriend said she’d never cheat on me. Well, she did—with an accountant…”

“Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs the…”

“My business associate said, “OK, Jarod, let’s talk turkey.” And I said, “If you…”

“Blankets are covers, covering the sins of my fathers. 
”