I run a tight ship. It’s so tight, you could call it a canoe.

“-Hey, neighbor, is your wife free for a date today?
-No, I’m taking her out thi…”

“You know who you remind me of? Your clone.”

“I nearly ran him over after he ran out in front of my car. So I slammed on the …”

“It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love.”