I sell Ziploc bags. They’re not empty—they’re full of hope.

“The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I…”

“The world is my canvas, and my ponytail is my paintbrush. Helen Keller probably…”

“I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.”

“Politics isn’t dirty. And neither are politicians. No, politicians are filthy.”