I shaved my mustache off the asphalt, like a tire’s skid mark, looped it around itself, and rode it like a unicycle.

“Books are portable companions. But so are midgets.”

“My name is Couch Choochoo, and I’m here to train you.”

“Babies look better when they’re all dressed up—in bacon.”

“Cryptozoology 101: It’s an exciting class because it’s mythological, and may or…”