I sped-read through a book that probably weighed a pound, though I only gleaned about nine ounces of information. That's because it was a book on love that I read while making love. I multitask like I pay by the hour.

“If somebody’s a jerk and says something nasty, be a bigger jerk and say somethi…”

“I often laugh at a dog that chases its own tail. But aren’t there some people o…”

“A preacher’s job is preaching. So how come he gets to work on the day of rest?”

“I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a t…”