I stepped on a banana spider today. I didn't crush it, but I did slip and fall. Then I got bit by one of the Three Stooges, possibly John McCain.

“I like watching other people watching other people.”

“She’s not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I’m all for …”

“I honk at protestors to show my support, and also tell them to get the fuck out…”

“The French aren’t birthed; they’re hatched out of eggs. That’s why they make th…”