I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to lose me money as a financial advisor.

“My philosophy on life: On a burrito, the cheese goes underneath the sour cream.…”

“Love is snowy, like the raincloud I left in the freezer. I would ski on the slo…”

“There are two apples, one is green and the other is red. Which apple would the …”

“Poor Chad. Not the country, but the guy. Oh, and the country’s poor too. I feel…”