I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them.

“I ended up with the nomination, and the breasts to back up the voter’s confiden…”

“I designed a dress out of scotch tape. If you wear my dress, you can be dressed…”

“I make ridiculous like I make damn sure nobody sees me while I’m making it.”

“A blanket could be used to cover Mt. Rushmore. But if you rush more, you’re goi…”