I tried to knock my wife up, but she’d only let me ring the doorbell. And she made me dress up like the pizza delivery boy while I rang.

“Too many people talk about the weather, and not enough people talk about agricu…”

“I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously lik…”

“Going to bed at sunrise, I find a blindfold helps me sleep. Also, I like it whe…”

“We had a good time together. 3:33, to be exact.”