I used to want to be a missionary, but I don’t believe that’d be the best position for me to be in.

“I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s b…”

“Let’s say you’re a politician. You’re still you, but you are an elected officia…”

“My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an al…”

“If you want to know what love is for, the answer is “other people.”