I want instant coffee at the snap of my fingers that gives me more energy than that generated by a million snaps.

“I got stiffed on a tip. It was an erection.”

“When the going gets tough, the tough give thanks for their mountain bike. I’m s…”

“Freedom tastes like strawberries, vanilla, and blueberries. And it smells like …”

“Laying on top of me is better than laying on a bed, because a bed doesn’t give …”