I want to give myself a ridiculous nickname. Something like “Knuckle Cock,” only not so flowery and romantic sounding.

“I decided not to charge you with murder, because that would require me filling …”

“She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my …”

“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”

“I once saw the world’s ugliest baby drown. But then I realized, “That’s not a b…”