I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter.

“If I told you that my global audience has shot up 100% in the last six months, …”

“I’d rather play with small quantities of large people than large quantities of …”

“While I’m no Major League Baseball prospect, I have thrown a few no-hitters in …”

“I saw a hermaphrodite changing, so out of respect, I turned halfway around.”