I want to merge oven mitts with boxing gloves, so I could effectively, and safely, fight fires. After all, fire fighters make better lovers.

“People complain the president does nothing. I say stop complaining! Think how d…”

“I gave blood today. It came gushing out of my nose. And anus.”

“When somebody tells me they’ve had a bad day, I always respond in a somber voic…”

“Johnny Kickstand bullied me in middle school. Today, Kickstand stands 4’7” tall…”