I want to put silencers on all guns. That way war will be nothing more than a whisper in the future. And all those who are caught whispering will be shot.

“I always thought I’d make a great backup singer. I don’t practice. It’s just pu…”

“He had a ten-gallon hat that hid a twenty-gallon fish tank inside his transluce…”

“I have a secret secret admirer. Not only is her identity a secret—but so is the…”

“If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person w…”