I want to write a song called “Two Straws and a Spoon,” about one man being cuckolded by a milkshake.

“I keep the ketchup in the fridge, though from now on I’m going to keep in the b…”

“A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift.…”

“I’m drinking your reply. Maybe isn’t too hot or cold, so I’m chugging it.”

“I got stiffed on a tip. It was an erection.”