I wanted to make love in the rain, but owing to unfavorable (or, rather favorable) weather conditions, I took to the shower as a suitable substitute.

“I made out like a bandit. Not that I’ve ever made out with a bandit.”

“I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a j…”

“My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine.
”

“I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously lik…”